OCD is often misunderstood as being about cleanliness, checking, or perfectionism. In this episode, Dr. Taz sits down with therapist and author Melissa Mose, LMFT, to unpack why OCD is frequently misdiagnosed for over a decade and what’s really happening beneath the surface of obsessions and compulsions. Melissa’s book  bridges compassionate parts-based work with proven science to offer a richer path to lasting change.

Using clear science and compassionate explanations, this conversation explores how OCD hijacks the brain through a cycle of alarm and relief, why reassurance and family accommodation can quietly reinforce symptoms, and what actually works in treatment. Melissa breaks down why talk therapy alone often fails OCD, how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) retrains the nervous system, and how Internal Family Systems (IFS) adds depth, self-compassion, and relational healing to recovery.

In this hol+ conversation, Dr. Taz sits down with therapist, educator, and author Melissa Mose, LMFT, to unpack what OCD really is and why it often goes undiagnosed for over a decade. Melissa shares why OCD disguises itself as “just anxiety,” how well-meaning reassurance can quietly reinforce the disorder, and why many people spend years in talk therapy without real relief.

Using clear science and compassionate language, this episode explores how OCD operates through a cycle of alarm and relief, why the brain learns to depend on compulsions, and how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) helps retrain the nervous system. Melissa also explains how Internal Family Systems (IFS) adds a relational, self-compassionate layer to treatment, helping people work with their inner world instead of battling it.

This conversation also looks at the bigger picture. OCD does not exist in isolation. Dr. Taz and Melissa explore how neuroinflammation, PANS and PANDAS, hormonal shifts, trauma, ADHD, eating disorders, and chronic stress can overlap with or intensify OCD symptoms. They discuss why intrusive thoughts can be disturbing and taboo, why intolerance of uncertainty sits at the core of OCD, and how relationships and intimacy are often quietly impacted.

From shame and self-blame to clarity and support, this episode offers a grounded reframe of OCD as a treatable condition rooted in brain-body patterns, not personal failure. Whether you are seeking help for yourself, supporting someone you love, or trying to understand OCD beyond the stereotypes, this conversation replaces fear with understanding and helplessness with practical pathways forward.

Dr. Taz and Melissa Mose, LMFT Discuss:

  • Why OCD often goes undiagnosed for 11 to 17 years
  • How reassurance and family accommodation make OCD worse
  • The obsession-compulsion cycle and why it gets reinforced
  • Why talk therapy alone often fails OCD
  • What ERP actually does to retrain the brain
  • How Internal Family Systems supports compassion and healing
  • The role of uncertainty intolerance in OCD
  • How OCD affects families, partners, and intimacy
  • Neuroinflammation, PANS, PANDAS, hormones, and symptom flares
  • Why intrusive thoughts do not define who you are

About Melissa Mose, LMFT

Melissa Mose is a licensed marriage and family therapist, educator, and specialist in the treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder. With over 30 years of clinical experience, she works with individuals and families navigating OCD and anxiety, and trains clinicians in evidence-based treatment approaches. Melissa integrates Exposure and Response Prevention with Internal Family Systems to support deep, sustainable change that goes beyond symptom management. Melissa is the author of Internal Family Systems Therapy for OCD: A Clinician’s Guide, a resource designed to help therapists bring compassion, parts-based awareness, and relational healing into gold-standard OCD treatment.

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Host: Dr. Taz; Edited and Produced by Clip Growth; Producer: Pat Gostek

Chapters
00:00 Why OCD goes undiagnosed for years
00:44 How OCD affects the whole family
01:06 Why reassurance becomes a compulsion
02:14 Introducing Melissa Mose and IFS
03:25 What Internal Family Systems really means
09:56 What OCD really is and common myths
11:24 Mental rituals and reassurance seeking
14:28 How families accidentally accommodate OCD
16:36 Why accommodation makes OCD worse
17:21 Common examples in kids and partners
19:31 The 11 to 17 year OCD diagnosis delay
21:12 Warning signs and red flags of OCD
23:23 Intrusive thoughts and hidden OCD
24:01 The gold standard treatment ERP
26:07 Medication and therapy together
28:48 PANS, PANDAS, eating disorders, and OCD
32:37 Trauma, ADHD, and OCD overlap
34:38 Hormones, inflammation, and OCD spikes
37:26 Mental health labels and Gen Z
39:17 Is OCD part of your personality
45:17 How to support someone without feeding OCD
47:54 What to say instead of reassuring
50:50 OCD and relationships
52:00 The fear of uncertainty at the core of OCD
54:30 Tools for kids and adults
56:34 Why Melissa wrote the book
1:02:14 How to connect with Melissa
1:03:53 What makes us whole